Beautiful Growth

Sounds pretty good tonight, has done alot lately.. Tonight i can hear that maturity again i like to hear in your styles. Is it a real signer or just a seeming??

Your killing me man, not spoken in a wk. I s that how you treat your friends, i’m supposed to be your friend right…

If we swapped places fora while do you think you’d get infurieted by the number of unanswered questions i leave you with. All the times i leave you hanging, only ever accompanyed witha occasional now long distant ‘sorry’ no pre-warnings. Is’nt it down right rude & disrespectful to blank legitamate questions.

I cant even begin to anaylze why your doing it. You say you dont wanna talk @ the moment, that your having a hard time, that people are taking to much. Pray tell what  am i taking?? What are you giving to me……?!?

Being one who actually cares how you are, i’m sad you dont seem to have the same feelings for me, not enough to act on anyway.

Dam you are playing good tonight, i love the way you play, what your playing.

I miss the fact of actually commuinicating with you. Listening now seems my only way to do so, though as usual its 1 way, me listening to you, @ least your giving these times, albeit what you want how you want yet when was that any different? Most importantly its good & i dont want it to end, its all i’m getting see. Beautiful & Painful to often @ the same time.

Now you get ready to trundle home without a thought towards me. Your way, how you want it & if it dont fit well then it dont get play, thats how it was for me.. I sure you wouldnt agree, then how could you. Your the DJ & dj’s dont do it for any1 else no matter the belief. Always self pushing you on, the need.

Bitter taste in this mouth of mine, shriveled bent out of shape twisted.

Dont think you wanna know what goes on in this head sometimes. All the wondering i do, its not healthy trying to speculate about one who doesnt commuinicate. The opposite of clear, the inside out of decent, back to front of kind, relaxed all untied & rewired.

I dont wanna be cruel

Do you mean to be so to me

i wonder. Wondering

Guess your nearly home now, safely so i hope. Silently stalking you in my head, i wonder does that make me a psycho. Probably.

Anyway you play music & seemingly me. You do it well.

I write, not often to play. Most part a release

In that we are the same.

Do u mean to be so cruel?? I find it cruel this behaviour. Are you really that selfish? OR have I done something wrong.. ? I guess u cld just be scared, but where did that come from?? & how that came in is pretty random. Or maybe only from my view.. I dunno I’m not inside you. But I guess I cldve felt like I was getting to close, that u were getting to used to having me around & caring, liking it even. My instinct tells me that this is the case. U are angry @ me for how you feel about me. U dint wanna feel this about any1 right now. It makes u feel less u’r own & u resent that. That some1 can make u feel things you don’t want to just by being them… I didn’t though you let u’rself. I think its a good thing, but then I wld wld’nt I “loved up kid that I am”. So I guess I gotta pull away from you myself & see if u come back, no not even care. Hope but let go of it.. Ok God Bless. I wish u well. If u need me well u know what to do. Just say. I feel sad now. Maybe I shldnt maybe I should take it as a good sign that perhaps u’r struggling with u’r feelings for me, for Us. I do thou. Don’t want you to unhappy, don’t like to realise & kno u can be so cruel. Don’t like the Lack of concern & disrespectfulness towards me. Why am I on such tender hooks when I’m around her? Some guy said recently a comment “look @ you u’r so relaxed, looks like u’r @ home, right @ home” he loved it, I love it that aspect of myself that allows me to look & seem totally @ ease & chill to the untrained eye. Sometimes I even partly am. But its those fuckers who are naturally less animated than me. That gets me Every time, feel like I’m ina cave & the walls are caving in, “gotta get a reaction!! Just gotta get a reactionan stop the silence, stop the silence @ all costs”. Well I just had a thought what if I just Stop controlling in there presence, if I just stop making an effort, making ‘it happen’. Ok so then I get bored & frustrated, & I wanna shout @ them. But maybe I just need to sit with that & see what happens.. & if nothing does & it stays excruciatingly uncomfortable, just getting worse & worse. 2 things that’s either the growing pain of trying something so different from what is so ingrained or they’re just No good 4 me. I’ll tell u U 1 thing I don’t need to please or turn myself into a performing monkey to get way here so just STOP

Dont you know we are meant to be together!??????

All summer fields have been waiting for us to sit together in them, the sky cries out for us to gaze up head by head feeling the blue. Clouds yearn to fill us, pine to dance for us have us cry out at thier amazing shapes…

I saw a dragon the other day, two people dancing & a smiley face when i was led there thinking of you… i channel them to you yet they shriek “its not enough!” They whisper persistantly “together TOGETHER we want you together, its better for us if your together”.

When will you realise the stars are unhappy that we’re not together singing thier notes??

Hold my hand, come with me to the sand lets make them smile Together..

I wonder i Wonder i wOnder

He called me ‘Vulgar’ because i wanted & asked him for ‘sex’. How Fucking ‘The Rules’

I’m a Women NOT a Cocotte.

Where are you.

In a deep scorpionic phase

Dark Woman of power here

When i accept to be alone its ok

All One

                                          So tired. Wish to talk with you< Miss you So TERRIBLY.

Want you to sea me, Hear me, Feel me, Hold me<

Where are you?<

Is this another silly game we’re playing of Cat & Mouse. Flower & Bee…

He still doesn’t talk to me no more nomore.

7 weeks ago you made love to me, told me everything was gonna be alright, that you loved me too & not to be silly when i asked you if that would be the last time i saw you.

That you dindnt lie about exactly no not exactly. Twice you saw me atferwards to help you with your love, i dindnt mind that. I love that too.

Cold is what i call what you’ve done Now forget about me.